As this is my first blog, I thought I’d post the introduction from my first book, ‘Raising Benjamin Frog’.
My son, Benjamin, was severely autistic as a small child and was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome as he grew older.
The passage describes my feelings as I watched him, detached from my world.
Where do you go to, My Sunshine?
You have the most beautiful blue eyes, my handsome baby boy. Why can’t I see you behind them? Where do you go when your eyes wander away from me?
I hold you in my arms and stroke your tiny face, run my fingers through the yellow strands falling across your brow and I search for a glimpse of soul connection, but you are nowhere to be found.
If I let go of your small hand you’ll run away or you’ll walk in an endless straight line and not care where you’re going. You won’t see the people on the path in front of you or the tree that blocks your way. You won’t run excited to play with the other children on the swings because they’re not there in your world.
We walk by the lake. I point at the birds, gracefully gliding, skimming over the lapping waves. A young puppy barks and, for an instant, I see a puzzled frown on your tiny forehead, then it’s gone.
I show you the delicate, colourful blue petals of the Forget-Me-Not and we stop for a while to listen to the rustling of the birch. But you walk where I walk and stop when I stop only because I hold on tightly to your little fingers so you don’t slide down the bank and disappear. You have no response to these wonders around you.
I tell you how God made all these things. How He loves you and created you as part of His masterpiece too. How you have a purpose in this life and how I’ll do my best as your Mummy to help you find that purpose He has planned for you. But you don’t seem to hear a word. You just stare into the distance.
We walk back on the path and I sing to you “Forever Young.” You don’t sing along or dance in circles around me giggling. But oh how I love you my Sunshine.
Where do you go to, my sweet baby boy, when your eyes wander away from me and you’re lost in your autistic world.
Benjamin is now 30 years old and a published author! My book talks about the struggles we both had as he was growing up; the highs and lows of his formative years and the blessings he has brought to my life.
If you’d like to read more, ‘Raising Benjamin Frog’ is available from the online bookstore, ‘Christian Authors’.
For a closer look at autism from Benjamin’s perspective, visit his blog at